Hearts That Bend And Break
by harrythe
Summary: You wonder how far Riley's heart can bend before it breaks (Also posted on AO3)


" _Farkle, you don't know what's going on, stop thinking."_

* * *

It hurts, to see them together, painfully awkward because they don't know how to act around each other anymore. And it hurts to watch Riley suffer in silence, because she sacrificed the person she could love, for the person she cares about the most. And you knew that Lucas coming was a bad thing, knew it as soon as he walked into the classroom, and charmed both of your friends. Because they're not the same anymore. They're not Riley and Maya, best friends that could conquer the world.

There's a cautious distance between them, one that's never been there before. And things have changed.

And it's not that they don't try, because they do, but they're never going to be the same. Because Riley can't tell Maya that she's still in love with Lucas, she won't ruin whatever they have going on.

And Maya can't see that Riley drifts towards you now, because it's not that she doesn't want Maya to be happy, but she can't watch her be happy with Lucas. And she can't listen to Maya talk about her dates with Lucas, not when she wishes that she could be doing exactly what Maya is doing. She can't sit there, and give Maya the advice she needs, because she wants Lucas for herself. She can't pretend that her heart isn't aching to take Maya's place.

Because she gave it all up for her best friend, who doesn't even notice.

And it's not that Maya doesn't care about Riley, it's that Riley is good at hiding her feelings from Maya. It's why Maya didn't notice that Riley was being bullied. But you notice, because you know how hard it is to watch the person you love be with someone else.

It binds you and Riley together, like a club that no one wants to be in..

And so you're the one sitting in the bay window with her, while she cries tears over the boy she loves, and the best friend that can't be there for her anymore. You watch as she cries over what could have been, what she sacrificed for two of the most important people in her life. And you tell her that it'll all be alright. Because it has to be.

And you watch as she dries her eyes, and she goes to see Charlie, with fake smiles, and a belief that her heart isn't bending, because she's refusing to let it break.

And you become the brother that she so desperately wished Lucas could be.

* * *

 _"You're lying to yourself."_

* * *

You think it'll be better when Riley's uncle comes for a visit. And you think that maybe things will go back to normal, with Maya crushing on Josh, and Lucas and Riley making heart eyes at each other. Not because you think Maya and Lucas won't ever be happy together, or that Riley will find someone else, even if that person is Charlie Gardner. It's that Riley's still hurting, and Maya and Lucas are still awkward, and nothing is the same.

Because Riley's heart is bending so far that it may snap. And you're afraid that if her heart breaks, she won't be Riley anymore.

And you desperately need Riley to be Riley.

Things don't end up changing as much as you hoped, but they do seem a little brighter.

And you sit with Riley and Josh in the bay window, as Riley tells her uncle everything. She tells him about Texas, and her sacrifice, and how her heart is bending, because she's forced to watch her happy ending play out with someone else. And how she thinks that maybe she made a mistake.

And you watch as he holds her, and promises that it will be alright. That everything is going to work out the way it's supposed to. Because that's what Riley needs to hear.

That her sacrifice would be worth it in the end.

And then Maya stops by, and Riley clams up, and quickly dries her eyes. And when Maya asks what was wrong, you watch as she lies, so she doesn't hurt Maya. Because she won't burden Maya with this.

She wants Maya to be happy, and she wants Maya to have something good in her life. And Riley will always put Maya first, regardless of how much it hurts her. Because that's how Riley loves, fiercely, desperately, deeply. Always willing to sacrifice anything to make someone else happy, even if it costs her her happiness.

Rileytown isn't sunshine and rainbows anymore. It's hurting hearts, and raindrops.

* * *

 _"You can't tell anybody."_

* * *

Lucas comes to you, after Josh leaves, asking how Riley is.

You want to tell him the truth, that Riley's hurting so much that she may break. That she's become a shell of her former self. That Riley isn't Riley anymore, because she's trying so hard to be okay with everything. That Riley sacrificed everything so that he and Maya could be happy. That Riley and Maya barely talk anymore, because they can't think of anything to say. And that Riley can't tell Maya that she's in love with you, so she avoids her instead. And that Riley is so desperately in love with him that it's killing her.

Instead you tell him that she's fine. That she is happy for him and Maya.

You watch as Lucas smiles, trusting you, and goes back to Maya. How they smile softly at each other.

You've never lied to your best friend before, and it makes you feel sick. You wonder if this is how Riley feels when she's lying to Maya. And you feel so sorry for Riley, who hates lying more than anything. And it hurts to know that this is probably killing her inside, and you're the only person who knows.

You watch Riley looking at him, her eyes tracking his every movement, always constantly aware of where he is. You watch the pain in her eyes, as Maya and Lucas tentatively hold hands, an echo of her and Lucas, when they briefly dated. And you watch the way her shoulders slightly hunch under the weight of her secret.

And you watch as she finally looks away, and catches your eyes on her, and she gives you a small smile, telling you that she's alright. That she'll be okay. That she has to be okay for everybody's sake, because if she's not okay, than everything will fall apart.

And you watch as she turns to Charlie, pasting a smile onto her face, because she so desperately wants to like him. Because she feels like she owes him that. And you wish that you could ignore the pain that is shadowed in her eyes, heart aching for something that she can't have anymore. That she'll never have, all for the sake of her best friend.

You wonder how far Riley's heart can bend before it breaks.

* * *

 _"I will unless you do."_

* * *

Riley and Charlie break up eventually, just like you knew they always would. And after Charlie comes a few others, but none that stick around. Because none of them are what she truly wants. But it doesn't stop her from searching, desperately trying to recreate what she had before she gave it all up.

Because Maya and Lucas are still together, still both searching to fill the Riley-shaped hole in their relationship. They don't acknowledge it, but it's still there. Still the elephant in the room, because Lucas still has feelings for Riley, and Maya still feels guilty for dating the guy that her best friend used to like, even though Riley still loudly proclaims that Lucas is like her brother.

Lucas and Riley's relationship has fallen apart, because Riley can't bear to be around him anymore. She can't interact with Lucas without regret, and it kills her inside, because she never wanted to lose Lucas. And Lucas rages when you're with him, because he still has some feelings for Riley, despite being with Maya, and having feelings for Maya, and he doesn't understand, and you wish that you could explain it to him, wish that you could turn back time. And all Lucas wants is to know why. Why he and Riley aren't close anymore. Why Riley so desperately wanted to be brother and sister, and why she won't even look at him anymore.

And you wish that you could just tell somebody, anybody, because then maybe it would fix things.

And you and Riley become even closer than you thought you would ever be a few years ago. And it's not the way you thought you'd end up with Riley, but maybe it's for the better. Besides, you have Smackle now, and it's good. Because you and Smackle understand each other, better than you could have hoped for with Riley and Maya. Smackle does all sorts of things to your insides, things that make you understand why Riley is still searching for what she had with Lucas. Because if what she had with him is anything like what is happening to you now, than it must have been good. And you wish you could have told Riley to hold on to Lucas, because she wouldn't be hurting so much, but you understand why she did.

Riley doesn't want Maya to feel what she's feeling right now. She doesn't want Maya to experience heartbreak, and the feeling of watching the person you love, be with someone else.

And you love her even more, because Riley has always had the biggest heart in the world. And you want to protect it, because Riley is your best friend, and she doesn't deserve the heartbreak she's going through right now. She doesn't deserve to watch the guy she loves be with her best friend. And Maya doesn't either, because Maya has suffered enough heartbreak with people always leaving, but Maya also knows heartbreak. This is all new to Riley, and you're afraid that if she breaks, she'll break for good.

And you wonder how you fix the person who's always fixing things.

* * *

 _"We don't lie to each other, Riley."_

* * *

It's yearbook time when Riley's heart finally breaks. Maya and Lucas get favorite couple again, to the surprise of absolutely no one, and all you can do is watch Riley when she opens her yearbook and sees the entry. And her face blanches, and she starts to shake with repressed sobs, because she'd still been holding onto a small amount of hope, some small piece of her that thought that she and Lucas would still have a chance. She'd still been wondering if she'd ever get Lucas back. Because if Riley still had hope for Pluto, then you know she had hope for Lucas. And seeing them get voted for favorite couple is her confirmation that she'll never have him.

You notice Lucas looking at her, and the shadow of pain in his eyes.

You notice Maya staring at the page, fingers gently touching the photo of her and Lucas.

You notice Riley, staring at her best friend, desperately trying to be happy for her.

You wish you could forget the look of utter heartbreak on Riley's face.

All you can do is be there for her later, and comfort her as she cries once more, for everything she has lost. Hold her as she cries for Lucas, and Maya. Cries for what was, for awkward hand holding, and an innocent kiss on the subway. She cries for the love that she wishes she could have, a love like her parents have, because when you're the child of Cory and Topanga, you can't help but believe in forever. You can't help but believe in a person who will be there with you through all of it.

They never taught her about heartbreak.

And it's along with her Uncle Josh that you try to comfort her, to let her know that it'll be okay. And you both try to be there for her, because you're the closest people to her, being the only two people "in the know", but in the end it isn't enough. Neither of you have ever suffered a serious heartbreak, like she's feeling.

So she goes to her Uncle Shawn, because he once had to give up the person he loved, and he has someone else now, and he's happy again.

He tells her what you and her Uncle Josh have been saying all along, that it would just take time. That everything would be okay in the end. That there will be others. That it may feel like the end of the world, but it never really is.

But he also tells her that she's the daughter of Cory and Topanga.

That her parents had broken up before, but they always drifted back together, had even been with other people, and now they're stronger than ever.

That it's okay to never give up hope, as long as it's healthy.

And it's exactly what Riley needed to hear.

Because she has hope again. That maybe everything will turn out the way she wants it too. That even if she'll never get back with Lucas, there will be someone else. That maybe she'll find her person. Just as her parents did.

It's the first time she's really been Riley in awhile. And you smile, and wish that you could keep her like this forever, because then maybe her heart would never be broken again.

But in the end, you're almost glad her heart finally broke, because now it can heal.

* * *

 _"This is really hard, and maybe I just need some time."_

* * *

Things don't go back to the way they were, but they do get better. Riley tentatively asks Maya about her relationship with Lucas, and it's the first steps towards repairing their friendship. And you aren't surprised when you find them cuddled up on the bay window together a week later. Nothing could ever really come between them, no matter what had happened. They're Riley and Maya. Always destined to be friends, with rings to prove it.

And after things with Maya are better, Riley turns her attention to Lucas. That's a little harder to fix, but that doesn't stop Riley from jumping right in. It's rocky in the beginning, and Riley still comes crying to you sometimes, because it's hard on her, to accept the friends aspect of it all, but they eventually get back to a better place, even if it's just a shadow of what they had before. Because Riley still has feelings that run deeper than friendship, and Lucas still likes her, and they're both trying to ignore it, but it's there. Maybe one day they can go back to that, but for now, you'll accept the situation for what it is. Because at least they're friends agaiin.

Riley's learning to be happy again. And that's all you can ask for.

And she gets a new boyfriend, and this one sticks around for longer than a few weeks, and it feels like the start of something new. Because she's smiling again, and she's laughing, and Rileytown has rainbows and sunshine again, even though there's also a bit of heartache and raindrops still. And it feels like the calm after the storm, when it's stilll raining, but it's just a small shower.

And it's still rough, because Riley still loves Lucas, and Lucas and Maya still have _something_ , but it's not as bad as it used to be. Because Riley is _Riley_ again, and they manage to go on a few double dates with Riley's new boyfriend, and they don't end in disaster.

Riley much prefers double dates with you and Smackle.

You even manage to convice her to make it a triple date, and the six of you go out together, and it feels so much more normal than it has in almost a year.

You're still the first person she goes to, when everything gets to be too much. When she has a double date with Lucas and Maya, and her heart aches from having to watch them be together. But it's less now. Because she's learning to be happy again.

* * *

 _"I'm always here for you."_

* * *

It's a year after Texas, and things are starting to feel normal again.

You and Riley are still close, still like brother and sister. She's happy now, at least as happy as she can be.

Maya and Lucas have fallen apart, and even though you knew it was a possibilty, it still hurts. Because they're trying so hard to be friends through it all, but Maya still likes Lucas, and Lucas still likes Riley, though you think he also likes Maya, but then again, you were never really sure of any of it. But they're trying, and Maya teases him again, and Lucas goes along with it, and they're almost back to the way things were. Better off as friends.

Riley is still dating her new boyfriend.

And she's still trying so hard to pretend that she doesn't feel anything for Lucas anymore.

But she's moving past it. And you think it might be for the best, if they all move past this, because it's caused enough heartache to last a lifetime. And you just want eveything to be better for everyone involved.

Though part of you still wonders if maybe they'll come back together, in the end.

Because they're Riley and Lucas. And maybe they're not Cory and Topanga, but they could be just as great. Just as epic. Just as perfect.

And you think back to a year ago, when Riley's heart was so close to breaking, and how it all seemed so hopeless back then.

And you watch the three of them now, and it's so close to how they were before, that you smile.

And you wonder what comes next.

* * *

 _"I'm sure we're all wondering what happens now."_


End file.
